something is shifting
by necessity, a shift is going to happen.
or to say it negatively, if there is no (perceived, immediate) need, a shift is not going to happen.
I feel lost, I’ve lost perspective, forgotten why I’m doing what I’m doing. I feel very near-sighted, in the figurative sense. I can only perceive what is immediately around me, and it doesn’t make much sense. because there’s no need to implement what I’m learning right now. and besides, it’s really really easy to get distracted by the addictive stimulation of electricity- the internet, lights. Heck, even the refrigerator and stove.
The systems I am plugged into on a daily basis are too complex for me to understand, or at least too complex for me to replicate, either on my own or with my friends, and I have arrived at using them very easily, simply, blithely.
But the whole point of me being here doing what I’m doing is to be able to disconnect from these systems and to reconnect with a better system, a new system, an old system, a system my friends and I can replicate on our own.
Need creates awareness. I am remaining unaware as long as I shield myself from the need to be aware.
The simplest way to describe with words the root of what I have to do to get to where I want to go is, “observe reality and adjust”. pay attention, expand vision, expand all senses, feel in your body, be present to the external world, both the human world and the other-than-human world (currently, I disappear into other people in the human world, and I disappear into myself in the other-than-human world).
So, taking away that shield, introducing that need… I intend to visit Possibility Alliance, which doesn’t use any electricity, next summer, so I intend to live without electricity next summer. Why wait?
My first reaction to that suggestion is that I would be bored out of my mind at night without the internet and without lights to read by. But that’s the point, tom. When you get that bored, you’ll get creative. You’ll see opportunities open up.
Fuckin’ A. I’m so addicted it’s not funny. It’s just that the goddamn thing is so useful. I get to filter my inputs really well and just take in really high quality [stimulation]/knowledge, most of the time. I’m ravenous with it. Consumption.
I’m going to make a pro/con list for using the internet. But it seems pretty clear to me, observing how my usage of the internet is currently, that it is definitely a major thing that’s going to have to shift.
Ahhhhh! there’s only one and a half hours until sunset! fuckfuckfuckfuck
(this is what the beginning stages of withdrawl look like)
